Updated: May 31
It can be pretty hard sometimes to tell the people around you that you appreciate them. But when you learn to do it, expressing appreciation can help you build deeper connections!
Here are some ideas from Doctors John and Julie Gottman*, a husband and wife duo who are leading researchers in couples stability and satisfaction!
*For more on their research check out this blog*
One of their exercises for deepening connection and nurturing fondness and admiration is expressing positive adjectives with your partner. Even though all of their research has been with romantic partners, we can pull from their research to help build any connection! Even connection with yourself!
Here Is How You Use The List!
1. Find a list of positive adjectives!
You can either just google positive adjectives for people, or you can reference my worksheet or the worksheet at the bottom of this post.
2. Write down 3-5 adjectives that you see in the person you want to deepen your connection with.
There might be a lot of adjectives that pop out at you. Try to narrow it down to 3-5 so that you can be really genuine when you express these adjectives.
3. Pick a recent example of them displaying this adjective
We want to be specific so that the person knows that you actually mean what you are saying and that you are paying attention to what they have been doing recently!
Ex: If your partner says, "you are funny", yeah that might be nice, but something like "You know how last week we were laughing so hard that we started to cry? I love that about you. I love that you can always make me laugh. This statement comes off as more sincere and genuine! You will deepen your connection with a statement like that.
4. Tell them!!
Tell them today! And tell them often! We tend to scan the room for connections that do not feel good. When we have known someone for a long time, the things that attracted you to have a connection with them seems to be the norm now. We tend to stop seeing the things that we really like and start to only see when things go wrong.
Retrain your brain to see these positive adjectives in the people around you. Oh yeah, and DON"T FORGET TO SEE THEM IN YOURSELF!!
Try this activity out and see watch the other person's face light up!! Practice this on a regular basis with others and yourself and see your connections grow deeper!
Hi, I’m Kristina Anzell, I am a Clinical Social Worker dedicated to providing compassionate and tailored mental health support for moms at all stages of motherhood. My mission is to empower you to thrive in your role as a mother while nurturing your own well-being. If you enjoyed this blog post, check out my blog here! If you want more information or are seeking treatment, feel free to reach out!